It’s been a while, and I do sincerely apologize. Life has thrown me a lot of curve balls in the past few weeks, and I’m still trying to figure everything out, which should not surprise you… Blehh. Here goes.
Last night, I arrived back on campus after a week of spring break. My “twin” Jess and I spent Friday evening through Wednesday morning at my place in Oswego, and then drove almost 8 hours back across IL and IA to spend the rest of the week at her house in Sioux City. While we were in Illinois, the weather was gorgeous, so we spent lots of time outside, playing with my little brother on neighborhood playgrounds, driving around, window shopping, and hanging with friends from church. On our last day there (St. Patrick’s Day), we took the train (Jess had never ridden one before!) into Chicago for the morning and some of the afternoon, going home to have Chicago style pizza with Derek and Eric for dinner, and ending the day jamming out with RockBand in Eric’s apartment. Things were busy busy busy, but I had a wonderful time.
Then, it was off to trek across two states and meet Jess family. We spent Wednesday evening through Sunday afternoon hanging out at her house, playing and watching video games, visiting the chiropractor, playing UNO-Interrupt with her family, laughing hysterically at everything from root beer to Pop-tarts, watching tv, going to a hockey game (complete with partying to YMCA and being featured on the jumbotron!), playing with the cuddlies (two cats, Fred and Garfield, and a dog, Gizmo), being stranded on the side of the highway for three hours trying to figure out why Jess’ car died, and waking up to two cats sleeping on me.
My spring break was awesome, and will go down in history as one of the best ones I can remember.
And yet, this morning, I woke up more depressed than I have been in a while. I knew that today, I would probably see most of the gang, and hear all about what they did during their week of break. I knew that every time I logged onto facebook during the next several days, I would see new photo albums posted from trips to Florida, New Orleans, and out of the country. I would hear about every single thing I missed by not going to a certain place with a certain group of people. I can’t think of any kind of justification for that being depressing at all, but experience tells me that by the time the stories are done, probably before the first one is even finished, I’ll be upset about my spring break choices. Even with all the great memories I made and all the laughs I got to share with friends new and old, I’ll feel left out. I’ll be an outsider (which I should be plenty used to…), unable to contribute to stories or laugh at pictures like others do.
I’ve been doing well dysthymia-wise recently, better than I’ve been in far too long, and I even managed to surprise myself with how well I’ve been dealing with the recent Borderline diagnosis. I don’t want this to trip me up.
Thing is, it’s already begun.
Do normal people do that? ‘Cause somehow, I can’t see it.
