This was hard to write, but I think I like how it turned out. Critiques, reactions, suggestions, etc, are all welcome.
Chapter 3 Writing Exercise: Option 6
“I’m sorry to have to distract you like this, b-but I thought – well, I guess I felt like – I, uh, I guess I just need someone to listen for a bit.” She is trying not to mangle her words, trying not to stutter in spite of the approaching self-disclosure. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologize!” He smiles over at his baby sister, though she is a baby no longer – 21 years old, in fact, and nearly done with college. He hasn’t seen her in just over a year, and is glad she seems much the same person he knew. “How are you? What’s going on?”
Her stomach clenches.
“I—I’ve been better.” Deep breaths, focus on your words. “I—Never mind. How have you been?”
His smile softens. “This isn’t about me, sis, but I’m doing fine. What’s going on?”
This is it, she thinks, breathe.
“You’re going to be angry with me—“
“Will not.”
“Yes, you will. But please, at least listen all the way to the end.”
He’s frowning now, and she can’t meet his eyes.
“I’m your brother. I care about you, and I am not going to be angry. Worried, perhaps; surprised, maybe. But not angry. I promise.”
He waits for several long moments, pushing guesses at her secrets out of his mind. She would have his full attention.
“Just start from wherever the beginning is,” he says.
“The beginning?” She blinks, four times in a row. “Well, I guess the beginning was a few years ago, I don’t really know. They tried to get me to choose a point when I started getting depressed, but I couldn’t find it.”
“They? Who’s they? Do mom and dad know about this?”
She waits, commanding her fear to leave. It doesn’t. But he has to know, otherwise she’s going to explode from trying to keep herself sane, or even in one piece. She’d even settle for two pieces, even three, if the jagged edges promised not to brush against the dark places in her mind, letting her insanity leak out into the everyday.
“N-no, I haven’t told anyone, she says. “I was too scared.”
He arches one eyebrow, hoping she’ll smile. “You? Afraid? I have a hard time imagining that.”
“There was a lot going on – is a lot going on. After a while, I couldn’t handle it, I didn’t want to. I barely got out of bed for days, there was just no point. Everything made me so sad.”
Now his stomach clenches. “Why didn’t you say—”
“What was I supposed to say?!” Hot, stinging tears begin crawling from the back of her eyes to sit where her brother can see them. “And who was I supposed to say it to?!”
“Sis…”
There is no stopping her now. “What gives me the right to interrupt someone else’s life with my own self-pity? How was anyone going to be able to suddenly rewire my brain so I was even a little happy?! I’m not worth that effort!”
Her words leave a sour taste in his mouth. “Yes, you are.”
“That’s what they all say.” The young woman deflates. “I have a hard time believing it. So, about a month ago, I started taking every pill I could find in my apartment. I wasn’t scared, I just wanted rest.”
Tears are spilling from her eyes now, but she refuses to cry. It’s out now. No more secrets. Razor sharp ropes of honesty tighten around her heart. Her brother is quiet for a long time, eyes glittering with grief.
“What happened?” He has to force the words out. “Are you going to be okay?”
She shrugs. “My roommates found me before I passed out and took me to the hospital. I was there for days before they let me see anyone. I wouldn’t sign forms to let them talk to Mom and Dad.”
“My god, I—” He wants to reach out and comfort her, but she looks ready to shatter. Nothing he says will be enough. Nothing could have prepared him to see this side of her. “I suppose saying I’m sorry is only going to sound trite. But please, please– I want you to stick around. I care, and I love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know.” Her hands are shaking violently, but her stomach is no longer in a knot. “I know, and I’m sorry. Being depressed makes everything grey and awful. It – it’s just hard to see anything bright.”
“I’ll buy you some new glasses. We’ll change it.” He pulls his sister into his arms, holds her desperately. “You don’t have to do this alone. Please don’t try anymore.”
