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I’m feeling very purposeless today. Work was long, and I didn’t even stay the whole day, I ended up getting sick a few hours before I was scheduled to leave. There were more scoldings, more hand burnings, more crazy lunch/dinner rushes, more stares at the scars on my arms, and endless running around. Things might [...]

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My mask is crumbling…

Get up at 6 am, drive Jess to work.
Gotta smile, even though I’m dead tired.

Grab breakfast, drive home and eat. Play several games of Tetris to distract yourself, wonder what today will hold. Pack up books, leave for class. Try to listen to happy music on the way there, shiver in the cold Iowa autumn. [...]

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I can only struggle for so long…

I have no idea what’s wrong with my mind. The past few days, maybe even a week, my moods have been swinging up and down and up and way down, from hour to hour. I can go from laughing with my roommates on my way to class, and come back two hours later with a [...]

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Can’t sleep, so I shall blog.

I should be sleeping, even though I don’t have school tomorrow. But I can’t, I’ve gotten my mind whirring too furiously, and my heart too worked up to even keep my eyes closed for long. This weekend has been a series of catastrophically dramatic ups and downs, from laughing with friends for hours, to working [...]

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One of those crazy weird nearly no good days…

I woke up this morning to the sound of a jackhammer working in front of the house next door. Then it shut off, but only for a little while. That little while was long enough for me to fall asleep, only to be re-awakened by the same, loud, pulverizing noise. Needless to say, I got [...]

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One week left?!

Goodbye, summer! I have less than a week before I head back to Ames for my sophomore year at Iowa State University. As excited as I am, I’m not sure if I’m completely ready yet. I’m more than ready to move into Presbyteria and leave my angry, angsty-teenager-full house, and I’m more than ready to [...]

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Apologies and promises

I’m so sorry for not updating more regularly… Things have been insane the past few weeks: ending my second semester at ISU, finals, packing everything up, getting home, unpacking, catching up with everyone, writing, trying to sleep, meeting with a psychiatrist, medication changes, scheduling visits to family and from college friends, gearing up for New [...]

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Another shameless plug…

All four of my future roomates and I are now registered as administrators for our group blog, that you can find at [ http://3131oddballs.wordpress.com ]. More information and posts will be coming soon, keep checking for updates!
^_^

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It’s been a while…

… and I’m (sorta) happy to report that things have changed a bit since the last time I wrote here. I can’t tell you any specific cause, but sometime last week, something gave me a boost. Thinking back on those few days, I can only smile.
I was on top of the world — I couldn’t [...]

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… can I do this?

I’m only a few chapters into the book I bought yesterday (Scars That Wound: Scars That Heal: A Journey out of Self-Injury, by Jan Kern), and I’m starting to have some pretty huge doubts about whether or not I can finish it. Just in those few chapters, so many horrible, bloody memories have re-surfaced, and [...]

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