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I’m feeling very purposeless today. Work was long, and I didn’t even stay the whole day, I ended up getting sick a few hours before I was scheduled to leave. There were more scoldings, more hand burnings, more crazy lunch/dinner rushes, more stares at the scars on my arms, and endless running around. Things might [...]

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Day 7

One week ago today, something inside snapped. I’ve tried to articulate what’s going on in my head and in my heart, and the best I can come up with is “I’m thinking too hard,” or more accurately, “I don’t know.” I don’t have names for the feelings or the emotions, or even the thought processes. [...]

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My mask is crumbling…

Get up at 6 am, drive Jess to work.
Gotta smile, even though I’m dead tired.

Grab breakfast, drive home and eat. Play several games of Tetris to distract yourself, wonder what today will hold. Pack up books, leave for class. Try to listen to happy music on the way there, shiver in the cold Iowa autumn. [...]

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I can only struggle for so long…

I have no idea what’s wrong with my mind. The past few days, maybe even a week, my moods have been swinging up and down and up and way down, from hour to hour. I can go from laughing with my roommates on my way to class, and come back two hours later with a [...]

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I’m slipping…

Thanks to a dumb English paper, I got three and a half hours of sleep last night, and I’ve been running around most of today, and yesterday. I’ve had two tests already this week, with another one on Friday, and then a whole weekend on a retreat with Cru, as part of the planning team. [...]

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Monday, 10/5/09, 12:47 am

I should be sleeping… But I’m not. Instead, I’m thinking too hard again, and wondering how I’m going to get through the next few days in one piece. I gave Ryan my razor blades, and I shouldn’t regret that for an instant. But experience tells me that, on a night like this, bleeding would calm [...]

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Am I doing better?

I think so.
Last weekend was really difficult, and I cried myself to sleep three nights in a row. I’ve been clean for nine days now, after a very emotional Thursday night, a week and a half ago. During that bad weekend, Ryan convinced me to vent to him, and I ended up leaking that I’d [...]

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Can’t sleep, so I shall blog.

I should be sleeping, even though I don’t have school tomorrow. But I can’t, I’ve gotten my mind whirring too furiously, and my heart too worked up to even keep my eyes closed for long. This weekend has been a series of catastrophically dramatic ups and downs, from laughing with friends for hours, to working [...]

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Busy busy busy Bunmi…

It’s week two of school, and somehow, I’m still managing to get sleep, stay awake in my classes, and be a competent employee 11 hours a week. I’ve been keeping on top of my homework, which I intend to continue, and I’ve been doing what I can to work ahead. I’ve even been able to [...]

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[taking a break from watching friends play Smash Brothers]

I feel like I should be a lot happier right now… I did alright out in the social world after a really bad nightmare, work is going well, we’ve been having people over to the apartment every few days, my classes are going alright… But since my last post, my thoughts have turned a shade [...]

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