Day 7

One week ago today, something inside snapped. I’ve tried to articulate what’s going on in my head and in my heart, and the best I can come up with is “I’m thinking too hard,” or more accurately, “I don’t know.” I don’t have names for the feelings or the emotions, or even the thought processes. [...]

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My mask is crumbling…

Get up at 6 am, drive Jess to work.
Gotta smile, even though I’m dead tired.

Grab breakfast, drive home and eat. Play several games of Tetris to distract yourself, wonder what today will hold. Pack up books, leave for class. Try to listen to happy music on the way there, shiver in the cold Iowa autumn. [...]

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I can only struggle for so long…

I have no idea what’s wrong with my mind. The past few days, maybe even a week, my moods have been swinging up and down and up and way down, from hour to hour. I can go from laughing with my roommates on my way to class, and come back two hours later with a [...]

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I’m slipping…

Thanks to a dumb English paper, I got three and a half hours of sleep last night, and I’ve been running around most of today, and yesterday. I’ve had two tests already this week, with another one on Friday, and then a whole weekend on a retreat with Cru, as part of the planning team. [...]

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Am I doing better?

I think so.
Last weekend was really difficult, and I cried myself to sleep three nights in a row. I’ve been clean for nine days now, after a very emotional Thursday night, a week and a half ago. During that bad weekend, Ryan convinced me to vent to him, and I ended up leaking that I’d [...]

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I haven’t got a catchy title, I just need to type…

So, I’m almost done with my first week of my second year of college. Things have, with tiny exceptions, been going extremely well. I haven’t gotten lost or missed any classes, I have most of what I need to get through the semester, including a job where I don’t feel totally out of place, even [...]

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One week left?!

Goodbye, summer! I have less than a week before I head back to Ames for my sophomore year at Iowa State University. As excited as I am, I’m not sure if I’m completely ready yet. I’m more than ready to move into Presbyteria and leave my angry, angsty-teenager-full house, and I’m more than ready to [...]

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Saturday night musings…

Again, I have no idea where I’m going with this, so I might as well just start rambling. It’s been a pretty good weekend: almost exclusively lovely, in fact. I spent a bit more than I day driving to Iowa with my (non-biological) big Brother Ryan, helping him move stuff into storage in his new [...]

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[ Untitled ]

So, I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I haven’t blogged in far too long, probably because I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order for long enough to write something of interest. Also, a good chunk of these summer weeks have been wonderful — my depression and BPD were stable, I [...]

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Apologies and promises

I’m so sorry for not updating more regularly… Things have been insane the past few weeks: ending my second semester at ISU, finals, packing everything up, getting home, unpacking, catching up with everyone, writing, trying to sleep, meeting with a psychiatrist, medication changes, scheduling visits to family and from college friends, gearing up for New [...]

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