Day 7

One week ago today, something inside snapped. I’ve tried to articulate what’s going on in my head and in my heart, and the best I can come up with is “I’m thinking too hard,” or more accurately, “I don’t know.” I don’t have names for the feelings or the emotions, or even the thought processes. [...]

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My mask is crumbling…

Get up at 6 am, drive Jess to work.
Gotta smile, even though I’m dead tired.

Grab breakfast, drive home and eat. Play several games of Tetris to distract yourself, wonder what today will hold. Pack up books, leave for class. Try to listen to happy music on the way there, shiver in the cold Iowa autumn. [...]

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I can only struggle for so long…

I have no idea what’s wrong with my mind. The past few days, maybe even a week, my moods have been swinging up and down and up and way down, from hour to hour. I can go from laughing with my roommates on my way to class, and come back two hours later with a [...]

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I haven’t got a catchy title, I just need to type…

So, I’m almost done with my first week of my second year of college. Things have, with tiny exceptions, been going extremely well. I haven’t gotten lost or missed any classes, I have most of what I need to get through the semester, including a job where I don’t feel totally out of place, even [...]

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Whew… Road trip tomorrow!

The packing is almost done, the boxes are all over my living room, my brain is running a bazillion miles an hour 24/7, I’m nervous and excited and ready and not ready, all at the same time. Tomorrow, I take off on a 6 hour drive to Ames, Iowa, to start my sophomore year as [...]

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The questions just keep flooding in…

These past few weeks, as well as the next week, have been and will be incredibly busy for me. It’s the end of the semester, and everything is due. Last week alone contained four separate tests, a quiz, and two presentations. This week is papers and quizzes and projects, and more trying to figure out [...]

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What do I do now?

Before I started this post, I sat at my computer, staring at the screen with tears in my eyes for a good five minutes before I started typing — I’m so frustrated and confused, I can barely concentrate or think straight.
Since I got back to school, I’ve been slipping back towards major depression, and I [...]

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Sifting through piles and piles of thoughts…

It’s already 12 minutes into Thursday, and for some odd reason, it still feels like a Monday to me — maybe a generous Tuesday, tops. Couldn’t tell ya why, maybe I’m just losing it…
As far as weeks go, this one has been decent, but bumpy. I haven’t fallen asleep in any classes, the weather’s looking [...]

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*Ramble, ramble, sigh*

I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know how I’m going to get there, and I don’t know how long it will take. So many things are uncertain, and yet things like my own clumsiness, vulnerability, and self-destructive tendencies can always be counted on. Sometimes, I can see myself and my condition through eyes [...]

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I survived another Wednesday…

This morning started off differently than usual, when my roommate’s alarm didn’t go off, and I woke her up about half an hour before her 8am class. Molly is a beast — this chick was out of bed, showered, dressed, and made it to class on time. Usually, she’s up before 7, and isn’t rushed. [...]

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