Day 7

One week ago today, something inside snapped. I’ve tried to articulate what’s going on in my head and in my heart, and the best I can come up with is “I’m thinking too hard,” or more accurately, “I don’t know.” I don’t have names for the feelings or the emotions, or even the thought processes. [...]

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My mask is crumbling…

Get up at 6 am, drive Jess to work.
Gotta smile, even though I’m dead tired.

Grab breakfast, drive home and eat. Play several games of Tetris to distract yourself, wonder what today will hold. Pack up books, leave for class. Try to listen to happy music on the way there, shiver in the cold Iowa autumn. [...]

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I can only struggle for so long…

I have no idea what’s wrong with my mind. The past few days, maybe even a week, my moods have been swinging up and down and up and way down, from hour to hour. I can go from laughing with my roommates on my way to class, and come back two hours later with a [...]

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Monday, 10/5/09, 12:47 am

I should be sleeping… But I’m not. Instead, I’m thinking too hard again, and wondering how I’m going to get through the next few days in one piece. I gave Ryan my razor blades, and I shouldn’t regret that for an instant. But experience tells me that, on a night like this, bleeding would calm [...]

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Am I doing better?

I think so.
Last weekend was really difficult, and I cried myself to sleep three nights in a row. I’ve been clean for nine days now, after a very emotional Thursday night, a week and a half ago. During that bad weekend, Ryan convinced me to vent to him, and I ended up leaking that I’d [...]

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Busy busy busy Bunmi…

It’s week two of school, and somehow, I’m still managing to get sleep, stay awake in my classes, and be a competent employee 11 hours a week. I’ve been keeping on top of my homework, which I intend to continue, and I’ve been doing what I can to work ahead. I’ve even been able to [...]

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I haven’t got a catchy title, I just need to type…

So, I’m almost done with my first week of my second year of college. Things have, with tiny exceptions, been going extremely well. I haven’t gotten lost or missed any classes, I have most of what I need to get through the semester, including a job where I don’t feel totally out of place, even [...]

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Whew… Road trip tomorrow!

The packing is almost done, the boxes are all over my living room, my brain is running a bazillion miles an hour 24/7, I’m nervous and excited and ready and not ready, all at the same time. Tomorrow, I take off on a 6 hour drive to Ames, Iowa, to start my sophomore year as [...]

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One week left?!

Goodbye, summer! I have less than a week before I head back to Ames for my sophomore year at Iowa State University. As excited as I am, I’m not sure if I’m completely ready yet. I’m more than ready to move into Presbyteria and leave my angry, angsty-teenager-full house, and I’m more than ready to [...]

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Saturday night musings…

Again, I have no idea where I’m going with this, so I might as well just start rambling. It’s been a pretty good weekend: almost exclusively lovely, in fact. I spent a bit more than I day driving to Iowa with my (non-biological) big Brother Ryan, helping him move stuff into storage in his new [...]

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